The Worst Home Inspection Ever

I want to share a very bad day I had recently.

Surely we’ve all had those, right? 

There is a lot of uncertainty out in the field these days, and here in Virginia we’re working dribs and drabs. Recently, I was on one inspection after I had just finished taking care of my new grandson for three days and nights. He’s a super little man, solid as a bag of cement. But since some arthritis and a trampoline accident in my teens that damaged my lower vertebra, my back hasn’t been so good. (For those of you in the same boat, I recommend the seated psoas stretch—it saved my life.) I was hurting from bending over and picking him up many times a day and night when I took the job.

The drive to the job was one of the longer ones: 61 miles, an hour-and-a-half. The client insisted on bargaining and requested $200 for a walk-through inspection, but I said I couldn’t do it for less than $300. 

I always arrive to inspections early, so I was done with most of the outside before he arrived. Unfortunately, when I bent over to test the first receptacle outside, I felt a jolt like never before. It was like I had been tasered—every nerve in my back fired at once. I lost my breath and figured I was doomed. Could I carry a ladder to the attic? Somehow that seemed to loosen me up a bit, and I was OK as long as I squatted when needed.

After the client arrived we began going over the faults of the building. It was nothing big—lots of little things you’d find on a 10-year-old house where nothing was maintained. Well, then the client wanted to switch to a full inspection for $400. I said it would have to be $450 and added that bargaining suggested my prices were already inflated. This is a guy who used me before and had been impressed.

Naturally, I had to start all over again with my tablet and pictures. This was one of the “whole family is involved” type of inspections, where I have to watch out for children and other relatives, with no real estate agent there to help because it was the client’s rental property. Not a situation I’d recommend, but hey, we all have to eat!  

The worst of the day happened in the garage. The wife had pulled the Tesla into the garage and opened the rear hatch. She hadn’t pulled very far in. I couldn’t see anything because I was catty-corner on the opposite side of the garage with the client. When I tested the garage door, it got caught on the hatch; I never saw such a huge angle on a hatch, but then again I don’t have a Tesla. Eight tiny dings (I mean, they are hardly discernible from a couple feet away) and who knows how much of my hard-earned money needed to repair later, I think, “Can’t we split it? It was an accident plain and simple.” 

To make matters worse, when I took my car over to look at the damage, I left it running and, for some reason, the car automatically locks the driver side door after 30 seconds (to thwart carjacking?). For some frightful seconds I thought I was locked out and would need a locksmith. Thankfully my rear door opened, but my back was not happy crawling in to turn off the car.

All of that is to say, the client is nowhere to be found now. No payment, no signed agreement. No answers to email. I assume he will hold my payment until the car is fixed. 

After 11 years of inspections, this is a first. Not such a big deal, but it still stings. 

Paul Cummins is an ASHI Certified Inspector, retired science teacher, and lives in Fredericksburg, Virginia.